Follow Up/Update

So, we met with E our social worker for a follow-up meeting. She reinforced that we'd done a good job at the first meeting but there were a few things we said that were inappropriate - talking about the hospital plan and asking to take a picture afterward. The hospital plan info should have come from K, eMom's social worker, at a later date. As for the picture, that's a bit of a no-no at a first meeting, but given the possibility that we may not have much, if any contact after the placement, we're happy to have the photo. E also talked with us a little about what we should/should not do in the hospital. Things like deferring to eMom if hospital personnel have questions about the baby and not picking the baby up without asking eMom first, if the baby is in her room. Pretty basic stuff and things we wouldn't do anyway :)

At this point we're just anxious. eMom is due two weeks from today (4/20)! According to E, she's stopped working so she's able to rest up and spend time with her little ones. There is one thing troubling us; eMom was supposed to have a doctors appointment last Friday at the hospital clinic. We found out today that she didn't make the appointment and had no plans for further check-ups or hospital visits until she's in labor. Hmmm! WTH! At this point in her pregnancy she should see the doctor every week to check on dilation, blood pressure, and urine. She could have preeclampsia (hypertension in pregnancy), which is dangerous for her and the baby, and be totally unaware. As far as we know, she hasn't suffered from this in the past but every pregnancy is different. Of course, since she's had two previous healthy pregnancies she may not be concerned. We, on the other hand, don't know what to make of this. All we can do at this point, is carry on with our daily routines, keep our phones charged and near us and hope that she moves forward with the adoption plan.

j.

First Emom Meeting

First, I want to say thank you to Debbie who sent her good vibes and asked others to send theirs! Next, I want to apologize for taking so many days to post about our meeting. I honestly thought I'd be able to get this out much quicker, but after our meeting I've been deep in thought about it all.

The day started off well. We were to meet with E, our social worker, 30 minutes before the scheduled meet time to do a little prep. Our plan was to leave at 12:15 to give ourselves time to calm down and have a few sips of water to keep our throats from being dry :) E called at 11:45 or so to let us know that the meeting would be postponed because K, eMom's social worker, couldn't get in touch with her. K and/or E had promised to call and let us know if the meeting was going to happen but we weren't really expecting it wouldn't happen. Any way, we were understandably bummed and decided to go out any way and get some errands done. While we were in the store, E called and said K was able to reach eMom and asked if we could we still meet. Of course! We completed our purchases and boogied out of there to get to the restaurant.

K and eMom were at the restaurant when we arrived, E arrived about 15 minutes later because of traffic. eMom (M) was cute, nice, bubbly, and very friendly. We had a great conversation talking about ourselves, her children (2), and how she came to decide on adoption. She showed us photos of her kids and they are adorable. She was very happy talking about them. The conversation went really well and I don't think any of us felt too nervous but it was still pretty darn surreal to think that this little pregnant girl was going to make us parents - fingers crossed. I can't even imagine what it was like for her to think these two strangers were going to be parents to her baby. M has a good head on her shoulders and seemed to have given a lot of thought to her adoption plan. I could see the sadness in her eyes when she talked about being strong and holding on to her emotions once she's given birth. It choked me up; I just wanted to give her a hug. Before we knew it, our time was up. We all walked out together and Chris and I took a picture with M. I've been looking at it since last Friday trying to memorize M's face and smile because I don't know when we're going to see her again. Sorry to sound so mysterious. We found out that M wants less contact than we were anticipating, which makes us sad for the baby. I'll talk about that in a later post. After the photo and K and M left, we had a quick debrief with E. E let us know that we did a great job even without the prep. We're meeting with her today (5p) as a follow-up to Friday's meeting.

M is due in 19 days but could really go at any time. She has/had a doctor's appointment this week - I think, so hopefully we'll find out how she's doing. She was already 3 cm dilated on her last visit which was a few weeks ago. I haven't packed our diaper bag yet but I feel like I need to get it done ASAP! At this point, Chris and I are pretty much on edge, expecting a call saying that M is in the hospital. I've had trouble sleeping and weird dreams. I guess this is all par for the course.

How did you guys handle the anticipation?

We got THE CALL!

OMG! We're so excited! We got the call Mon night (4/5, 6:30p) while I was finishing cooking dinner. For some reason, I wasn't thinking that it could be THE CALL. Chris answered the phone and by his casual tone, I assumed it was one of my girlfriends calling for me, but it was E our social worker. What we know is, an expectant mom (emom) reviewed our profile and picked us! Emom is already parenting two young children and she and the edad have decided that an adoption plan is the best option for baby number three. She is drug and smoke free and has had prenatal care, although her social worker is not sure when the prenatal care began. She's due May 4th, the day after my mom's birthday, but she has gone into early labor with her previous children so that may happen this time around too. We're having our first meeting with emom and the social workers tomorrow (4/9).

Oddly enough, the day of the call I was doing a little nesting - early morning cleaning and laundry of the baby items I'd gotten with my mother in-law last Sat. We've already put together the stroller and practiced opening & closing and inserting the car seat. The play yard still needs to go up but that should be pretty easy - fingers crossed. I have several baby registries and only one of them has an option for adoption instead of a due date. For the registries that required a due date, I put May 2010, as I'd created the registries in Nov/Dec 2009. How weird is that? I've always had a feeling that we would be parents by the time summer rolled around. I hope all goes well and it really happens.

I'll keep you posted on the outcome of our meeting tomorrow. Wish us luck!

Getting Ready

Last Friday Chris and I interviewed a pediatrician. It was fun. It was weird. The office is easy to get to, the staff were friendly, and the doc we spoke with was great. She gave us great info about the practice and answered all of our questions. We felt really comfortable with her and will use her group when the time comes. After our early morning appointment we grabbed breakfast at iHop and then headed to Target for some baby shopping. Talk about a surreal experience! We're walking along with our cart, picking out a few necessities: onsies, towels, wash cloths, blankets, jammies and a few bottles. It was the strangest experience. Anytime I've ever purchased baby items, it was always for someone's shower. I couldn't believe I was actually discussing bottle choices with my husband, for our baby! It was almost an out of body experience to launder, dry, and put away such tiny, precious clothes. I just smiled and chuckled to myself as I folded the items. 

It's hard to believe that we're actually going to be parents in the near future. Our social worker emailed the other day and asked us to give her a call. She wanted to confirm some info and to let us know that the agency has had a lot of activity. She said that several women are "close". We took that as they are either close to seeing profiles and/or close to delivery. We didn't clarify. I think we were still on edge that our SW wanted to talk to us. We got all excited and hoped this would be the call :) Fingers crossed we'll hear something in the next few weeks. And because the whole adoption thing is really getting real, I ordered and received a play yard, stroller, and car seat. The boxes are sitting in the living room. I just can't believe this is all happening. If I'm feeling this way over a stroller, what's going to happen when we actually have the baby? How long did it take you to feel like you were a mom?

Officially Waiting!

As of March 16th, Chris & I were officially approved to adopt! We're so excited! Check out our profile on our agency's website.

Friday, we're interviewing a pediatrician. Next, we need to start searching for child care.

We're Approved (conditionally)!

So we're approved, but conditionally. This is because I'm unemployed and receiving unemployment compensation. It makes the whole situation a little bittersweet. Yay, we're home study approved; bummer we had to sign a document that says I'm looking for employment in the event my unemployment isn't extended and that we're not going to incur anymore debt. And, we may also have to submit an updated financial report before a baby is placed with us. On a positive note, I'm already looking for work and Chris has reduced the interest rate on his credit cards so that's a good thing. Intellectually I understand that it's incumbent upon the agency to make sure that we can provide for a new baby. Emotionally it makes me angry. Angry because if I were some 20 year old college student who had gotten drunk at a party, hooked up with some guy and found myself pregnant, no one would be questioning my employment opportunities. I'll get over it. It will take a minute or two, but it will happen.

On a happier note, I've ordered and received my gDiapers! They're adorable. I can't believe we're going to have a baby small enough to fit them :) I've also ordered a Moby wrap so that we can wear the baby and facilitate attachment and bonding. So far we have a diaper bag, diapers, and soon, the Moby wrap. We still need a stroller, car seat, play yard, and some clothes for bringing home baby. A friend is donating a crib so we're all set there.

We're almost officially waiting!

I Heart Open Arms Adoption Network!

A week ago Sunday, Chris and I attended a day long open adoption seminar. It was fantastic! In addition to meeting with other couples in the process, we were also treated to first person stories from birth and adoptive parents. The day ran from 10:00-4:30 including breakfast and lunch. It was really nice meeting and speaking with couples we haven't previously met in our adoption workshops. It really made me feel connected to others in the struggle for parenthood. One of the things that I love about our agency is the diversity of the staff and clients. The other thing I love is that it is a small agency so I feel like a person and not a number.

About the seminar - the birth parents discussed how they felt when they discovered they were pregnant, their difficulties in deciding whether to parent, terminate, or choose adoption, and how they chose parents for their babies. The stories were heartbreaking, hopeful, and joyful all at the same time. Each of the birth parents have very good relationships with the parents of their children and let us know that their relationships work because they work at good communication, which for them includes letters, pictures, emails, and visits.

The adoptive parents that spoke, all brought their children with them. It was so much fun to ooh and ahh over the babies and see how happy the older kids were in their families. Each family had a different birth story. Some were chosen with time to get to know the birth mothers and others were chosen after the baby was born. The latter situation seemed to be the most difficult because at this point, the birth mothers want limited or closed communication with the adoptive parents. This was hard for the adoptive parents because it meant their children will probably miss out on connections with their biological families.

All-in-all it was a nice day. The weather was good, the speakers great, and the interaction was fun.